Jinx

Fortunate

2009-06-27T12:21:00.000-07:00

I think it is finally setting in. At this point in time I would just like to say THANKS FOR EVERYTHING MICHAEL! I believe it was J.Mayer who say we have lost part of our DNA. That is how I was feeling for the last couple of days. But now i am just pleased to say that I have been extremely fortunate.

Fortunate to watch Motown 25 over and over again before and after school. Fortunate enough to see my pregnant mother moonwalk and spin. Fortunate enough to have a collection of buttons, cards, a red leather jacket and glitter socks. Fortunate enough to watch video premieres during primetime television. Many people of this generation have been privy to Michael Jackson, love him or not we are fortunate.

The nerve!

2009-06-13T20:26:00.000-07:00

My thoughts...

I really don't know what people's expectations are. They do you dirty and then ask you what's wrong like you are the one with an unfathomable problem.

The level of moral and mannerisms of people is unbelievable. Sometimes I wonder how big insults are covered by meaningless apologies; when grand gestures are overdue.

Sometimes sorry is just not enough. Knowing that forgiveness is not always an option may smarten people up. Make them think twice about committing certain acts.

Just for future reference in the event you feel the need to lie, withhold pertinent info, or just be plan malicious; think and know that forgiveness may not always be an option!!!

Yeah I am talking to YOU!

Ring the ALARM!

2009-04-11T09:33:00.000-07:00

Some of you know that I have been looking for a new family doctor for a while now. Since my wonderful physician died 4 years ago, I haven't had a replacement. Working in the hospital has spoiled me; whenever I felt like I was coming down with something or aching anywhere, I would just walk over and see one of the doctors I worked with.

Finally I found one, she is approachable, professional and most importantly she is attentive. On our first visit she sat me down for us to get acquainted and adjusted to one another. I pulled out my “list of concerns” and she pulled in a little closer to read the list beside me. I pulled that maneuver with another doctor before and he got agitated.

After the initial visit I was impressed and confident that I found myself a new family doctor. She set me up for a physical and I was good to go. Or was I?

My appointment was scheduled for Thursday afternoon. I left work early to head to the appointment, which I believed was scheduled for 3pm. I arrive at the doctor's office at 2:20 only to be told by the clerk that my appointment was at 5pm. I was confused so I pulled out the appointment card, and what I interpreted at 1500hrs, was actually the 9th of Aprill 500. There were 2 bloody L’s in APRIL! And it was written close together. What the heck!?! I have gotten so use to military hours so I assumed it was 1500=3pm. The clerk acknowledges the error and he tells me that the doctor is not in until 5pm, so I agreed to come back.

I went to my second half of work. I did a couple of things, called a cab and pack up to leave. As usual my departure from work is long, when the patients are awake there is always a chorus line waiting to say good-bye. I make my way to the staircase and then I spot another patient. I decide to head in the other direction towards the elevators. I get to the elevators and spot a patient who is heading down. We both get into the elevator and get to the ground floor, when all of a sudden the lights blank out. HUH? Seconds later, the loud buzzing of the fire alarm sounds. OH GREAT! So there I am in the elevator with an over anxious patient STUCK!

If it wasn’t for the patient panicking I think I would have panicked and fainted. She was confused, nervous and scared. I felt real bad for her. As soon as she calmed it was announced that it was a false alarm. The elevators doors finally opened and we rushed out.

By the time we got out my cab left. I had to take the stairs back up to get onto my floor. The alarm was sporadic; it was going on and off and driving me nuts. I finally got to my desk and called the doctor’s office to let them know I may be a few minutes late, and the number kept getting redirected to a medical emergency “help line”. I ignore it and call for another cab.

This time I take the stairs. AND MAN AM I OUTTA SHAPE! I was taking those bad-boys DOWN and I was out of breathe! That’s madness. I was bitching walking down the stairs, all the while I was telling myself I need to get into shape ASAP!

I spot the cab coming and I run to the front desk for a “taxi chip” so I can get back.

I run, or I should say limp outside to catch the cab and I notice someone climbing in. OH HELL NAW! I was not letting this cab go. I walk up to the door and look at ol’ boy from the Maintenance Department getting comfortable in the seat.

“Excuse me, is this cab going to --- Avenue for ‘Jinx’?”
Driver – “Yes it is”
“This may be my cab”
Ol' Boy – “Oh I am sorry I just got in, but I am going to --- Avenue too”
Driver – “well I can take the both of you”
I hesitated for a little, then hopped in.

Apparently ol’ dude was going to #230 and I was going to #500. So the driver decided to drop him off first. I insisted that I should be dropped off because I had an appointment I needed to get to; it was 4:30pm and it was a 5-minute drive from where we were. But the driver insisted that ol’ dude should get dropped off first because he was closer. But he wasn't, we had to turn down all kinds of one-way streets to get to his destination.

He was dropped off, then from behind us sirens started ringing. Next thing I know 3 fire trucks blaze past us and stop right in front of us.

We were stuck. No one was moving. I couldn’t believe it.

I was just watching the minutes roll by. I kept calling the office and getting the “hotline” It was driving me nuts.

I didn’t spot a fire, but the trucks were obviously blocking the road for a reason. The cab driver was able to find a way out onto the main road.

It was 5:20pm by the time we made it to the doctor's building. I was not impressed. I was defeated and decided to head back to work.

All this, for what? I don’t know.

I didn’t make it to my appointment, I got back to work to have a patient drool all over my shoes, I was spent, agitated, and miserable. The fire alarm sounded at work for the next 2 hours, which I failed to notice beside I got accustomed to the sound.

Got Change?

2009-03-20T16:09:00.000-07:00

I feel awful, and I know it’s a real silly thing to feel bad about. From the beginning, this wasn’t suppose to be a charming day. I had an interview this afternoon that I was not all too excited about, and I guess I paid for the lack of excitment with the events of my day.

I woke up this morning with an outfit in mind. Planned out the day with all kinds of mundane activities. Stretching, seasoning fish, calling a couple of folks, bitching at my phone company, as well as getting ready for the interview at a set time and meeting my "The Little Mexican" for lunch.

It started out well. Everything went according to plan except for the little pitfall. The clothes that I had picked out didn’t fit! I have gained a bit of “winter” weight. Of course I did not anticipate my clothing looking awkward and ill-fitting. I couldn’t even get my pants up my thighs! Putting a damper on things I had to find something else to wear. Of course it was not what I really wanted to wear, but I had to settle. I hate settling.

So I head out with an outfit that I am not comfortable in. I think it had something to do with not wanting to make a first impression in ‘this’ outfit. It wasn’t bad, it was just there. Anyhow, I head out, walk over to the bank machine to get some cash only to get rejected. Not in service! No worries, I will go to the next functioning bank machine. Hmmm where is the next functioning bank machine. NO ONE KNEW! I asked everyone! Not to waste anymore time, I quickly head to the subway station, via my feet in some tight shoes.

I finally get to a bank machine, retrieve some money and stand in line at the subway station. For some unforeseen reason there was a huge lineup. At this point, I am pressed for time. I rush over to the other side and it wasn’t too bad. Except for the foreign couple having problems with directions. Patiently I stand as the teller gives directions to the couple. Of course if I didn’t need to purchase a pass I would have been on my merry way. (Hmmm I just realized something!)

So I wait and wait, they finish, then the next couple same thing! They took a good 3minutes cackling with the teller like it was a damn joke standing up in that line. Then the women in front of me! I swear she was walking right through and then she stops. I don’t know if she recognized the teller but they both start talking in their dialect. So me, BraveStar, decides to drop in a quarter and walk thru.

Trust me when I say this is not something that I do. Even when I know that I won’t get caught. But I lost my patience. I wasn’t even scared or concern about the consequences. I did it with not a care or fear in the world. And for someone like me with nervous energy, this even caught me by surprised.

So of course the teller bangs on the window and yells after me. He started barking about me only dropping in a quarter. I deny it of course.

I should have told the truth. But for some reason I couldn’t. I don’t know why I did that, but I did.

He started yelling at me to come back thru the line, and me the dummy, obliged. I went and stood in the long line like a real jackass! I finally get to the window and yell at him. Yes I was at fault, but I didn’t want to admit it. What gets me is that I boldly looked him in the eye and lied! I told him that I drop the correct amount of $2.75. He corrected me by saying I only dropped $0.25.

Impatient and embarrassed, I decided to get mouthy. So after telling him a couple of choice words I reach into my bag, and sadly find change lurking in the bottom of my bag! ARGH! If I only knew! I didn’t even realize I had CHANGE! About $8.00 or so in change. And of course my temperament got the best of me and I dropped it all in.

I feel like a jackass... The interview fell thru, I called and cancelled; cause not only was I running late, I was pissed. I didn't want to go in angry. It would have been better if I went in with the ill-fitting clothes, then to go in angry.

Next time, if there ever is one, I will have to exercise patience and fessed up when I am wrong. And I was wrong. Hmmm... I guess there are more things that I need to learn.

OH and the thing that I realized while I was typing this... is that I could have went to the stupid machine and purchased a pass from there!!!!!! I KNOW I KNOW!!!

What you looking at?

2009-03-11T13:32:00.000-07:00

Finally!

I finally got my plumbing problem fixed this afternoon. It only took a month. My poor neighbour downstairs had to endure the leakage for all this time, and he was real patient about it. I don’t know if I could have been that patient, waiting on someone to fix a problem so I could go on with my life. It was even stressing me out and I wasn’t directly affected by it.

Well the plumber came this afternoon, and discovered that the spout needed a little corking. Could you believe that? After 2 plumbers and estimates up to $4000, corking fixed the problem. My landlord called it, but no one listened. Well anyhow this plumber was real odd. I don’t know if it was in a good way or not. He stared… real hard.

He came in with the superintendent and commented on how “cool” the set up of the place was. He then went into the washroom inspected the damage both up and downstairs, and within minutes diagnosed it and fixed it. While he was fixing it, he came to me to ask for some paper towel, so I gave him a whole roll. He took it and stared at me with this weird look, like he was confused about something. So I asked him if it was good enough and he said yes then walked away.

Five minutes later he comes into the kitchen where I am washing the dishes. He tells me the problem is fixed and that I shouldn’t use the shower for a couple of hours. Then he stares. I tell him thanks and he just stands and stares. He finally walked off with a pissed off look on his face like I said something nasty to him.

As he puts on his shoes, he randomly says, “Do you like dogs?”

“Huh?”
“Do you like dogs?”
“Ah, yeah I guess”
“You do or you don’t?”
“It depends, I like medium size dogs that don’t bark too much”
“Oh”
“What about you?”

He stares! He stood there and stared! It was then that I thought, he must have a condition or something so I shouldn’t take it too seriously. But it was weird. He didn’t answer my question and he left.

I went downstairs to express my relief for finally having the shower fixed and the plumber walked in and stared. The superintendent asked him if he was all done. The plumber nodded and walked away. Only to stand outside to peer through the window to stare.

Weirdo!

Freezing to my bones!

2009-03-02T16:26:00.000-08:00

Today is so darn cold that I swear someone out there is mad at us. Well I cannot complain too much... the groundhog did say that we are expecting 6 more weeks of winter. But this cold is uncomprehendable. The weather is so flip floppy its worse than a woman with an hormonal inbalance.

But what would we do without complaining about the weather? How would we spark up conversations with random people standing at the bus stop or traffic light? Sometimes I wonder how else would I meet or attract "wholesome bunch" of individuals?

Last week when the weather was nice and comfortable I decided to walk to work instead of hopping on the streetcar. At the traffic light this random woman comments on how wonderful the weather is; I agreed and smiled and kept on moving when the light changed. As I was making myself across the street I notice that the woman was trying to catch up to me. It wasn't until I heard "Winners and found a great coat" did I notice that she was talking to me.

I slowed down, and asked her to repeat herself. Next thing I know, I am walking blocks with this woman who has divulged all of her activities in the last couple of days and what she had planned for the weekend. We finally parted ways as I told her that I had to make a stop in the opposite direction. So after 20 minutes of listening to jabber I walked away from her.

Fast forward to today. Cold as heck outside! There was no way I was going to walk so I made my way to the store to purchase some tokens. As I was leaving the store, I jail-walk to the other side of the street to the stop, and noticed a lone woman standing there. I didn't look up at her until I heard "It's real cold out today" As I look up to reply, did I then notice it was homegirl from the other day. GREAT!

"Yeah it's cold" Hoping that she wouldn't remember me from the other day. But she did.

What was even more wonderful is that she was getting on the same streetcar! I waited for her to hop on first, but she was fiddling with some change and it was too cute to be standing out in the cold. I got on and she followed.... right beside me! There were sooo many seats, but she choose to sit right next to me! Imagine that.

She talked my damn ear off! And she didn't even pause to take a breath. She asked me what direction I was going in and I told her "I don't know" just so I wouldn't have her tagging along. I asked her where she was going and she told me the subway. So took that opportunity to say that I was not going that way. You think that would have shaked her off? No... she followed me off the streetcar and onto the bus... I decided to get off a couple of stops early and told her that I had to walk a couple of blocks to my run a couple of errands. I was so upset because I knew it was too cold to be frolicking.... but I needed to escape.

She finally wished me a good day and said "well next time, when the weather is nice"

Happy Birthday... C!

2009-02-25T14:57:00.001-08:00

Happy Birthday C!....

I am going to only leave it at that. I think you have grown out of the Chubbs era... and the title now belongs to the little one.

I hope that you have a wonderful day. May it be filled with love and warm memories. Considering that I am only a "couple of months" older than you. I wish! I think as the oldest there are a few things that I can pass on to you.

1. Men never change, unless they feel the need to
2. The other girl is always more hideous
3. The other girl is always fatter
4. Men without jobs should only be booty calls!
5. The saying "its better to have love and lost" does NOT apply to us
6. The grass is never greener on the other side
7. Men are emotional creatures
8. We can always do better!
9. We should never settle!
10. God loves us all... no matter how bad the circumstances
11. A woman should always have enough money to be able to move out on her own. Even if she doesn't need or want to.
12. A woman should know how to fall in love without losing herself.
13. Every battle is not worth fighting
14. Embrace every emotion... good and bad
15. It can't always be good.

16. You are a blessing in disguise
17. You are a wonderful mother
18. You are a great woman
19. You are flawless even with all your flaws
20. You are one of the strongest woman I know
21. You are doing a great job in life... even if you don't think so
22. You are going to accomplish even more greatest than you already have
23. You are going to be free
24. You are always welcome and free to contact me... my door is always open
25. You are one of my greatest treasures
26. You are family

27. You are one FIERCE BAD BITCH and I love you for that!

Have a great day... and keep banging those heads up!!!!

The Audacity of Change

2009-02-24T15:36:00.000-08:00

This morning was nothing short of a bitch vent. My girl and I spent the most part of a beautiful Tuesday morning bitching about the bitches that we call men in our lives. After hours of complaining and egging each other on, we spent a good 5 minutes debating what is the cause of this severe malfunction in the fools in our lives.

A couple of things I figured out through all this… They NEVER change. Granted people make mistakes, but if that mistake is made TWICE that is far beyond repair. If you know what’s good for you, you will high-tail it and run. I found myself in the same scenario 12 years later! How do I manage to find myself the girl left out in the cold again... because homeboy found a convenient girl who is cool to hang with and fighting with some other chick who claims that the baby is his... yes this may sound confusing and out there; but I will elaborate on this in the next blog. But bottomline... Same scenario 12 years later!

The independence of women has left a good percentage of these mofo’s helpless and lazy. Excuse after excuse to justify inactivity and not owening up to anything. I have a sac full of this, and most of the time I have men tell me that I should and can do it myself, or that they would want me to do it for them.

Example: "Buy me a plane ticket so I can come and see you" What IN the hell!?!? or "I didn't buy you a present because I know if you really want it you can get it yourself" Just plain rudeness. "Can you come over and check my car, and send it for an oil change, I will pay you later" Need I go on?

We women are silly and way too forgiving. Not all of us; but it’s usually women who give the benefit of a doubt and second chances. I know that if I was to play these ridiculous games and pan out ridiculous excuses; I would never live down that one mistake. A certain someone stills cry about a time when I threaten to throw him out of my moving vehicle and that was 3 years ago! I obviously didn’t do it, but I wish I did. Just the thought and me verbally expressing it makes me guilty and by far the most unforgiving thing I could have ever done.

It may seem cliche to say "man up" to these fools, because I think deep down they think they are doing absolutely nothing wrong. So I will like to say its time to "woman up" to not only the ladies but the men as well. Of course this is just wishful thinking. To actually have a man who can respect your boundaries and be as much of a companion and supporter as you would be, seems to be far-fetched these days. Maybe it's me... HA! No it's you!

I just have the audacity to believe that one day all this madness will end and it will make sense to us all.

Expect Nothing

2009-02-13T13:42:00.000-08:00

It has been a long while since I have had any form of motivation to do much, especially write.

But with the sun coming out today and my new sense of peace with myself, I thought a couple of notes would trigger what I hope will be an ongoing process.

There have been plenty of changes since my last post. So I will start off with 2009.

I rang in 2009 with a new place, freshly “officially” single, crazed, optimistic and having no expectations.

I decided that this year is going to be the year I start my new excursion to discover a life of no expectations and the uttermost fulfillment of the little joys in life.

I think I have always felt that way about many things in life, but I wanted to make it a part of my life. Every year January 1 has been a day of resolutions and hopeful promises. Which, like many others I forget soon after the euphoria the moment passes. I don’t really hold it against myself, but I can’t help but feel disappointed with my lack of discipline, to eat better, exercise, read more, help the needy, maintain my car, learn to play chess, or break any bad habits that I have been doing since childhood.

With joy I can honestly that up until this day I have owed up to my new mantra, and a life of no expectations has left me with ease.

It may not be for everyone… but I know myself well enough to cradle myself with precision and love. Knowing all the other self loving things will follow in due time.

Gone Too Soon

2008-09-06T08:23:00.000-07:00

Even though summer officially ends on the 22nd of September... it ends for me right before September rolls in.

Things that I have realized and dealth with this summer....

Good weather means everything.
French guys don't know when to quit.
I am still listening to old songs.
New York streets are filthy.
Good mechanics are hard to find.
I am destined to have a sick pet just so I can cure it.
Never plan on leaving ANYWHERE early.
Most importantly I have to make it work.

For all the Torontians or anyone in Toronto this summer or should I say "sprimmer'; you know this by far was the crappiest summer weather wise. It rained pretty much every bloody weekend. We had the most rainfall since the 70s. I believe a couple of records were broken. Regardless, it was just too crappy for me to really care. I bought and lost more umbrellas than I can count; especially a really good one in a cab!

I belive I mentioned bumping in a fella from Senegal. Nice guy, but I am really not into him. It has come to the point where he calls at least 5 times a day and leaves real sappy messages. I haven't called or responded to any of his CALLS for over a month and he just doesn't quit. UGH! What gets me is that every time I think about giving him a piece of my mind, I can't think of words simple enough to get my point across without cursing. So I am just going to let it be until he figures out WHEN.

Love music, love shows, but nothing really moves me. My generous sister has LENT me one of her several ipods, in which I have enthusiatically put 378 songs on. Imagine that! All those songs on one little device. Gotta love technology. I have been so excited to have this little contraption in my life that I felt like sharing. Whenever I had an opportunity I would put my earphones on whomever I was with and play them a song. Until one day, Miguel was victim to one of my urges, and asked

Miguel (in his hardcore spanish accent)"Don't you have any songs from the 2000's?"
Moi - "Huh?!, Of course I do, I just haven't downloaded them yet"...
Miguel - "Like what songs?"
Moi - "I don't know... you know like songs..."
Miguel - "This sucks!!! I don't like the kind of music you listen to"
Moi - "Well I don't like you! Give me back my damn headphones! "

I have been hurt ever since. I came home and found a few songs, but nothing that I would want to download and take up precious space. Then it hit me, I am really stuck in the oldies! SO SOON!??!?!

My parents do that "they don't do things like they use to" and I completely agree! They absolutely don't. But I am not trying to age that fast.

I Love Toronto

2008-08-15T05:35:00.000-07:00

Toronto Propane Facility Explosion

This is going to be one of those Toronto moments. I was 25kms away from the blast and it sounded like thunder. My first reaction. "Dammit, rain AGAIN!?"

Thousands were evacuated from their homes.

The aftermath....

One firefighter died, an employee at the propane facility remains unaccounted for and charred unidentifiable body was found.

To make it all better, asbestos was found a day after residents were permitted to go home. Through it all a couple of class action lawsuits have been filed.

Love Me In Your Language

2008-08-10T10:56:00.001-07:00

This happens to me often, I will wake up with a song and it becomes the theme of the day.

Kudu “Love Me In Your Language”

“Oh talk to me.
Love me in your language baby
I don’t have to understand
If you say it like a man”

Even though the weather has been completely uncooperative with rain and colder than usual summer temperatures, I am trying to make the most of this summer.

Like every year, the city has events that occur every year rain or shine. So I had the opportunity to grace Danforth Ave., for the “Taste Of Danforth”

I went with Miguel, my brooding companion, to enjoy some food and barely there music. We did our usual, talk, laugh, eat, talk, eat some more, laugh. During one of our laughing fits I caught a glance of this “chocolate delight”. Build like a quarterback, skin smooth as butter and teeth gleaming white. Reminded me of what a girlfriend of mine said “I like them so black that at night all I can see are teeth”. I was like WTHeck the first time she said it, but after seeing this specimen I understood.

He was smiling and boldly staring at me, but I looked away. I was not trying to start anything. Tried calling me over in which I completely ignored him and continued on with my conversation. Moments later, he approached. At least I wasn’t wrong with my assessment from a distance, he was handsome. He smiled nervously and nodded at Miguel.

Me: “Hi”
Him: “Allo”
Me: “Huh? Are you Haitian?”
( Even though it a broad generalization, me and Haitian dudes, a no-go, too many bad experiences.)

He smiles.

After further probing, found out he was from Senegal. I say probing because his English was a broken as broken can be. With each word he struggled with he would smile. He was real adorable. His friend approached us and was a bit more vocal and helped him along the way. He mumbled some things in French, and the next thing I knew we were exchanging numbers. We ended the conversation with a kiss on the cheek and a warm hug.

The next day I met up with him for lunch. Nothing like, having a conversation with someone and not understanding what they say, but knowing what they mean. He would start his sentences in English, then throw in a couple of French words, and then finish in complete French.

Nothing like being spoken to in a different tongue. I have always been a sucker for accents, especially if my name is said sweetly. I love my name said in Spanish and in French; makes me feel exquisite. At work we had a conversation about how anything said in Spanish sounds good. I can attest to that, especially when Chilenita is cussing.

By the end of day I was engulfed with “l'amour de votre compagnie” “vous ete magnifique” “quand pouvoir je vous vois encore” “ange” and fits of “your beautiful”.

Mind you I know if another brotha was to spit those phrases at me, I would have thought he was silly. But something about hearing things in another language just does it for me.

Enjoy the bootleg-ness.

Great Loss... RIP Bernie Mac

2008-08-09T09:38:00.000-07:00

I remember the first time I saw Bernie Mac on Def Comedy Jam, that voice, that stance and those clothes. He has come a long way since... and he will be missed.

Bernie Mac!

Gotta "LOVE" Bernie

The First 48...

2008-08-02T15:15:00.001-07:00

It has been a crazy 48 hours. I am so out of sync that I haven't really grasped the day and time.

I love The First 48 that airs on A&E, and who would have known that my days would count down like that.

It all started three days ago. From my previous entry I guess you could only guess what it was like. I am not going to go into DETAIL nor will I give you any major visualization, but what an amazing couple of days have these been.

Thursday

5:30am - I got up motivated and happy with the world. With some Kudu blarring out my stereo, I straightened out my room and got ready to start my day.

7:00am – Dropped my mom’s crappy car to the garage (again!)

8:00am – Decided to use my gym membership for the FIRST time and got on the elliptical machine for a good 20 minutes. (KUDOS to me!!!). Actually it was probably less, I didn’t know how to start the damn thing it was embarrassing.

9:00am – Went to the bank, argued with my cell phone company, bought some groceries and missed the chance to do my nails.

10:00am – Work

2:00pm – Got a text from Chilenita telling me how her gyn/obyn appointment went, and found out we were dilating.

4:00pm – Called Chilenita for the usual chit-chat and bitch “mid-day” fest

4:45pm – Decided to cancel plans with Miguel and head over to Chilenita’s after work. Felt that I would want to be with her.

Approx. 7:00pm – Got to Chilenita’s and headed out to Wal-Mart for some last minute supplies.

10:00pm – Started baking a cake with the kids, figured why not.

10:30pm – Convinced that things were looking quite alarming, and that despite her insistence on being alright and she still had more time, I felt that Baby Gabby was on her way out.

10:30pm – Watched this fool of a girl squirm around in discomfort as we watched back to back episodes of The First 48.

10:45pm – Told her ass to start getting ready cause we were going to the hospital.

After listening to her insistence on everything being alright, that it was not going to happen that night and that the hospital was just going to send her ass home if she went; I grabbed her stuff and prepared to leave. I was not trying to hear it.

11:00pm – On our way to the hospital when she starts feeling some “intense” contractions. (Foolish me, I completely forgot about the contractions part)

August 1, 2008
12:20am – Arrive at the hospital.

1:15am – After getting pissed off with the nursing staff (I don’t want to get into it, those fools were going to send her home), the doctor arrives and decides to give Chilenita “something for the pain”. I was completely baffled and trust me when I say that I was not leaving that hospital.

2:36am – After pure chaos and DRAMA for your MAMA type situations. It was CRAZY! Baby Gabby arrives. SHE IS SO DAMN BEAUTIFUL!!!! I LOVE HER! Ah!!! She came out like a damn bullet, clean as a whistle, crying just a little bit for us to know that she was here, bright eyed and ready to face the world. It was such a wonderful experience, it’s like she was always here. (Don’t worry, I will do her story more justice)

8lbs and 6oz…. Chubby as chubbs can ever be.

Awwww….

6:15am – Leave the hospital feeling completely tranquil and in aw about how surreal the whole situation was.

7:00am – Arrive at home, just in time to drop my sisters off.

8:00am – Get back home, shower and get ready for my appointment and WORK!

9:20am – Arrive to my appointment

11:00am - Work

10:00am – 2pm – EVERYTHING IS A BLUR

2pm- Meeting, completely forgot! So it put everything back for me. I was functioning on tired eyes, CocaCola, and raw almonds.

6pm – Tried to leave work, only to have patients and families delay me ( I didn’t mind, but I was tired as hell)

7pm – Started my orientation at another position, only to arrive there and find out that I was scheduled to be there for 12 hours!!!! (DON’T EVEN ASK)

August 2, 2008

3am – TIRED AS A MOFO! I was running on FUMES! Got myself a French Vanilla something or another from Tim’s and another bottle of CocaCola. ( I know, completely bad for me… but that’s all I had in order to function)

5am – Witness the worst experience anyone would ever go through.

5:30am – Officially 48 hours of NO SLEEP!!!

6am – Started the day with the start of life and ended it with the sad news of life beginning on the other side

7am – Finish work/orientation, drop off my a co-worker and head to the hospital to see Gabby. (See this is what happens… its all about the mum until the baby arrives)

approx. 8am – Fell asleep next to Gabby

8:13am – Baby in the next bed starts crying so we both wake up

At this point I am WOKE… there is no putting me to bed.

12 noon – Gabby is discharged from the hospital and ready to face the world! GO GET THEM KIDDO!

Got home, cut the grass, made some dinner, took a well deserved BATH, returned phone calls, made some dinner, went next door to my neighbours and came back home just in time to catch First 48 with a bowl of Chocolate Jamoca Almond Fudge Ice Cream.

Ahhh.....

YEAH!!!

2008-07-31T13:43:00.001-07:00

We are DILATING!!!!!

The Waiting Game...

2008-07-29T13:46:00.001-07:00

I have been low-key lately waiting for the arrival of baby Gabby. I was real nervous at first and now I am just loosing my patience. That child is crapping my style. She needs to come out yesterday!

Don’t get me wrong.. I am more than anxious. I can’t wait. I think there is absolutely nothing more that needs to be done in preparation. Funny enough, all the prepping was done within the last couple of days.. talk about last minute and not utilizing the 9 month period.

Chilentia is a sight to see, she can barely move. Her present state convinces me more and more that I need a surrogate mother. I have never feel sadden to see a pregnant woman until her last days.

Well for now the countdown continues. But it will happen anyday now.

I am just going to have to wait for when she is ready. I don't believe in pushing babies into doing anything. So I hope Chilentia does not get induced.

Which reminds me of a question someone posed to me the other day. She asked me if I thought it was wise to force feed babies that don't eat? I found that quite distrubing.

I will keep you posted... Camera and bag in hand.... this should be an event!

TIME AND PLACE!

2008-07-28T18:24:00.000-07:00

There is a time and place for EVERYTHING. I mean EVERYTHING. I can't think of one thing, besides praying that you don't have to consider the surrounding environment or the people involved.

Case 1:

Went to a funeral this past weekend. Long story short, there was this fella that I couldn't remember and he was trying to talk to me. Not that there is anything wrong with trying to refresh my memory and ask me why he has not heard from me. But I think it is completely tactless when you are standing outside with the down pouring of rain.. (and I mean DOWNPOUR.. to the point that you feel like you can't breathe) and you are standing by a gravesite!!! Like for real!!! Are you serious?!?!?! We are about to bury someone and you are going to start asking me questions?! Get the heck outta here.

Case 2:

I really don't like mixing business with pleasure. I especially don't like to start relations with people at work, especially if I like my job. Which I do. So don't try to pursue anything with me, especially when I don't show any interest in you other than work. A couple of days ago, this fella who I see from time to time at work came up to me and offered to take me out for dinner. I declined even went as far as to tell him that my heart belongs to someone else and I can't find any interest in going out with anyone, even for dinner. He persist and I smile, decline, and walk away. Next day he shows up at my desk with him number written down on a folded piece of paper and walks off mouthing, "call me". I have since bumped into him at least 4 times. Each time he ask "why haven't you called me?". I have told him every time "I have no intent on calling you sorry".

Today, while I was talking with my manager and the medical director this fool shows up. And if you would believe it, in front of them he starts badgering me about calling him. Manager thought he was cute, director joined in on the fun... I tried not to react or take the situation all that serious because I could tell they didn't know to what extent this fool was serious. But I was not impressed to say the least.

Case 3:

Been taking the train for the past week, this gas prices have me bugging. Sudoku and ipod in hand, I always find a place for my mind to drift off to. Based on my other scenarios you can only guess where I am getting at. Yes... as I sat on the PACKED train minding my own, some Casanova decides to stand in front of me, PULL OUT MY EARPHONES and insist on helping me solve my puzzle. Then starts telling me about all kinds of ways he can "'pleasure' my mind"????????? HUH? "PLEASURE" my mind... wow!

TIME AND PLACE!!! I don't want to write anymore.

2008-07-24T18:34:00.001-07:00

This pretty much sums it up...

Just throw in a banana and it's all done with.

Don't attack me, don't throw no nonsense my way, keep that foolishness to yourself, and figure out a way to make it work in your favour.

In Today's Forecast....

2008-07-23T15:00:00.000-07:00

I am so sick of this bloody weather. I think there should be a law passed that whenever the weather is broadcast, that the anchormen or network should be held accountable when the weather doesn’t occur the way they say.

I had a meeting yesterday and I have been working my butt off for the past couple of days to prepare for it. I was informed that a certain individual was going to be in attendance and I wanted to make a real good impression. I want to get my foot in the door with, so I thought of this being a way to make a good impression.

The night before I checked the weather forecast and it indicated that there was going to be “variable cloudiness” and 26C. Not bad that is something I can deal with. So I picked out my outfit, black button down dress, gold belt and open toed heels! (I rarely wear heels so you know this was serious). Started the straightening process with my hair so my naps would stay in tacked (black women you know what’s up).

In the morning there was a little bit of cloud but the sun was peaking out. Checked the weather again and it said there going to be “cloudy periods”. Nothing has really changed. Got dressed put the finishing touches on my hair, got all my stuff and was out.

I head into the city early so I could run a couple of errands before the meeting. I met up with “Fish Fry” (hahah… sorry but that’s all I could think of and that story was funny.. write about it later). Fish Fry and I went over each other’s material and felt real confident about the meeting.

We quickly grabbed a bite to eat.. nothing like meeting up on an empty stomach. We went to this wrap joint a couple of blocks away from the meeting spot, only to come out and see black clouds. WT.. HECK!? These clouds looked ridiculous. We walked onto the main street to head to the meeting. Not even a minute later… there was a down pour. The rain was coming down real hard.
We were able to find shelter but not quick enough… my hair ruined! My dress… soaked… my feet wet! Oh hell. Fish Fry looked at me and I knew it wasn’t good.

We jumped into a cab and got to building where the meeting was held. It was a good 45 minutes before it started, so I went into the ladies room to fix myself up. I kick off my shoes, looked in the mirror and was horrified. I looked like ass! My dressed was soaked, thank goodness it was black. I could feel the wetness all the way thru my underclothes. My hair.. I don’t even know what to say. It was hideous. My straight hair was now a pile of naps. Tiny curls peaking out and frizziness all over. I looked like a wet poodle that’s body was shaved down and there was nothing else but puffy hair up top.

I unbuttoned the top portion of my dress and placed it under the hand dryer. Patted toilet paper on my hair and put my head under the dryer when I thought how silly I was being. Well the hand dryer just made dry patches on my dress and made my hair even more frizzy. I give up. Fish Fry knocked on the door and told me to hurry my ass up.

I am at a lost… I put my shoes back on only to realize that they were soaking wet inside the sole. Went into my bag to get out a brush, only to spot my work dripping wet. Rainwater everywhere!

I wanted to cry… I dragged my feet, stepped out of the ladies room and looked at Fish Fry. He looked at me and said… “Not bad, are you still wet?” He looked good, if it wasn’t for the smell of rain on him I wouldn't have known he had gotten wet.

Just as soon as I was about to start complaining. “BM” walks by. Oh my… We told him how we got caught out in the rain. He smiled brushed it off, and invited us into his office. I was feeling at ease about the whole incident until I realize that we were not the only ones in the room. GREAT!

BM and a couple of his associates, so of them I recognized. Everyone got up and introduced themselves. I was so uncomfortable. Meeting people for the first time and I am soaking wet with frizzy hair and my shoes were making that wet squishy noise. Nice added touch.

I smiled through it, and held up decent conversation. Let’s just say through it all that they were a wonderful group of people and I think it went over real well. It rained all day until the next morning. I am still trying to find a way to sue the weather networks.

FOOFS!

2008-07-23T07:07:00.001-07:00

FOOFS! In regards to you comments.. I couldn't agree more. But I am working on my other blog and I think you will enjoy it immensely.

But I am want to let the world know at this moment that you have celebrated another milestone.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

Dinner and drinks on me... I hope McDonald's doesn't upset your stomach as much as it does mine!

Love you... all the best... and from the sounds of it... WE NEED TO TALK!

Knowing the difference

2008-07-20T06:44:00.000-07:00

These past few days I have realized the importance of the Evolution of Man. The art of evolving into something and not remain stagnant and complacent. This day marks a period where I change the importance of being completely comfortable to wanting to be about something and making evolution be "thy way".

I have always had this philosophy of never looking back. I guess that’s why I always insist on putting issues on the table and dealing with them before moving on. I have been true to this philosophy so far… never looked back with anyone, even at the present moment with MMI. But as many of you know… or have lectured me about… LOML has always been in the back of my mind. But hopefully, I pray with the current events this ends that chapter.

I have now demoted LOML to Distant Lust. I know how FICKLE! I am only human. But before anyone gets too excited I have realized what it may be. It’s not physical lust, (most of you know that and what’s that about). Not mental lust… nor "bliss" lust. It's "Lust of the essence" of him, I guess. Or, at this present moment, lust of what I fantasized him to be.

I knew from when I started with him again, that I would have to learn him all over again. That I would have to put the past behind and start fresh. And I was more than willing to do that. But after the events that occurred… (don’t feel like getting into that at the moment) I have realized he is not even close to what I remember or what I would love for him to be. Sure the laughter is still there, the enjoyment of each others company and comfort is there. But the things that I have learned to value in a relationship is not.

I have evolved in many ways, but our relationship has not. Its like things have never changed, but they have. Our relationship is like how it was 10 years ago, a bloody “teenage love affair”, being played out with adults. No sense is it? So what sense does it make that we involve ourselves in this; but that we crave or ‘lust’ after what we thought was, and what we hope it to be.

One day I will be mature enough to know and authentically realize who and what a Love of My Life would be, but at this present moment I must stand and come to terms with the difference love and lust. The value and difference between loving someone and being IN love. Love does not equate to lust; nor will it make lust flourish into what it is.

a message from "LOML"

2008-07-14T19:59:00.000-07:00

Ok...so I'm a man and I've made mistakes. I used to have regrets until I realized that Jah Jah doesn't make any mistakes; I guess mine are just learning experiences. The key seems to be to learn from these experiences and not venture the same situations facing the same decisions. This is the kicker cause I am one who hates to burn bridges. It's not like that old LTD track where "everytime I choose I lose...." but the same people end up wanting the same thing.

How often is it one is called the "LOML"? The history of it all starts back in '97. From a far away place came a beautiful, young, pure, soul. With her innocence in hand there seemed to be little room for corruption. She fell for a small town country boy hence her future "LOML" and he in turn had a problem with the distance. He gave it a shot. What harm could it do right? Remember her innocence was in hand until the next visit the following year of '98. No room for that stuff anymore...she had her purse on her shoulder and her heart in her palms.

Now here it is...a young fragile heart passed as an offering to this small town country boy, but now his mind is in a different space. He is no longer concerned about the distance cause he has a new occupation which little known to her keeps him from spending time dating anyone nearby. A long distance relationship at this time is perfect. But there is something lingering in the back of his mind.

You Can't Handle The Truth

2008-07-10T15:53:00.000-07:00

Nothing can be more accurate at times then knowing that there are certain truths that you cannot handle. As brutally honest as I can be at times there are things, just like anyone else, that I don’t like hearing about myself. I know what my faults are… but to hear them from someone else always stings..especially when you are not ready to hear them.

I was wallowing in pity and just in a severe funk and I had to find a reason to get dressed and out. Q!, with his impeccable timing had given me a call. Considering I have not seen him in months and missed his birthday; I told him that I would cook some food and chill out with him for a bit. Knowing that his ass has been overly preoccupied I know he probably hasn’t had a decent home cooked meal in awhile. At the end of my story he still doesn’t.

I made some rice, curry goat and veggies, placed them in some dishes and started to get ready. (I hate smelling like food) As soon as I was ready I called up Q! for directions, gave him my approximate time of arrival to be within 30 to 45 minutes. Feeling good and rejuvenated and glad to finally be stepping out of the house I head downstairs only to find my family indulging in the food that I set aside. Ahh… I was not upset.. it was only food. I counted my lost and thought of a plan B. DUCKY’S…

Ducky’s by far has the best roti on the west end. So I hurried on over there only to find out that they were closed. Closed at 8pm on a Saturday… ridiculous I thought. Well since their asses don’t feel like working on a Saturday I will head out to the Portuguese spot next door… Closed… Thai… closed… India… closed… WTF!? At that point I realized why I don’t do anything in the west end. It was already 15 minutes in and I had no food. That’s alright I will just head into the city and grab something there.

Long story short, I got stuck in traffic, finally get to an Italian spot, order, only to realize that I forgot my wallet. Go figure. Welcome to my world.

Q! was quite understanding.. then again he expected it. I was an hour late, with no food, and he greeted me with a warm embrace. (Understanding friends are hard to come by). We ended up ordering some Vietnamese across the street.

The night consisted of food, laughter, and of course “what have you got yourself into now Jinx” moments. I hate those moments with Q!.. he is merciless and can usually get to the inner core. He hurts real bad sometimes. But sometimes you need that. You need people in your life to tell you that you are f*&@ing up and making some whack decisions.

After leaving Q!’s he had convinced me that I am not really taking the time to really do what’s best for me in several situations. Not only that but he is more convinced now more than ever that I need therapy. Therapy??? Am I that bad??? Well according to him and others therapy is not only for crazy people or people who can’t cope and people “like” me can really benefit from it. Hmmmm…..

But I don’t want to think that my life and love decisions warrant a visit in the chair. Who knows… maybe I do need it. In the meantime I am just going to have to cope with what I can, and vent to whomever will listen.

Well at this moment all I can hear are his words and the thoughts that I haven’t been allowing myself to feel. It’s to the point that I am ready to just throw in the towel and start from scratch. My mind is telling me know… but my soul is telling me it’s time for change.

Knowing When

2008-07-04T07:45:00.000-07:00

The hardest thing about love is just knowing when. Knowing when to shut up, put up a fight, let things go, bringing things to the forefront, making peace and going to bed angry (sometimes its for the best).

These last couple of months have been hard lessons for me. With me and my ex “Me, Myself and I” (MMI) and LOML. I don’t think any emotional woman such as myself should have to go through so much. Me being me, always finds ways to embellish emotions and take it to extremes. Me being me, always wants things my way. Me being me, wants the best of everything. And of course me being me, doesn’t think that there is anything wrong with any of that. But in a relationship there is. There shouldn’t be any me’s… and I’s. You think I would have learnt that lesson from MMI… he was the epitome of ME and I…. (hence the name). I don’t think I have ever met anyone who was so self-centered and for a slight moment I reared the same ugly head.

LOML and I have come to this fork in the road… each path taking us in different directions. One with and without each other. It’s a hard thing to even think about. Of course if I could have things MY way… this wouldn’t be happening. Things would work out exactly as I have planned it out. Everything from our successful careers, to our flourishing businesses, and the bad ass kids that we raise.

I just want the best for both of us, and the realization is that might be in separate directions. I know we love each other and that’s what makes it so hard. We are each others halves… literally. Our birthdays cut right down the calendar on opposite ends… (astrologers don’t comment).

I am just coming to realize that this may be one of those “when” moments. And that really, really sucks. I wouldn’t want either one of us to have to suffer, or compromise everything to the state of regret. I wouldn’t want us to not be realistic about our relationship. I want us the be the badest *$%@ing thing to every grace any room, street or town. We would be practically invincible when together. Like a bionic duo, conquering the world with nothing but love. Silly isn’t it… but that is us. That is what we would be.

Wow ‘we’… I said it… thought it… and felt it. Now if it could only happen “I” would be thrilled… :P Just kidding… but no seriously I would.

Can't We All Just Get Along?? ... NOPE!

2008-06-28T18:49:00.000-07:00

Women… being one I am surprised there are several things other women do that I just don’t understand. We are not all the same and individually we stand on our own… but some things completely baffle me.

The other day… Love of my life (LOML) got a call from his ex. No big deal right? But this is the same ex that I got jilted for, so I am not really impressed. Now girl-M has her own thing going on right now… new life, new baby, new fiancée. So why feel the urge to want to contact your ex?

Relationship is done and over with so isn’t it time to move on?

Amicable the split may have been, but over stepping boundaries she better not. Now I am in no position at this current moment in time to let LOML to exercise any rights I may have. But that nonsense has just got to stop. Nip that mess in the bud is my intention, sitting out on the sidelines is what I will have to do for now.

I may be a bit hypocritical; I still talk to my exes on occasions. But I don’t call them or contact them just for the sake of saying “hey” or “I am having a bad day”. That’s what my friends and man are for.

Maybe that is just me. I am the type that makes sure everything is on point when I see an ex, and that’s only if I feel like entertaining the notion. I would never want my exes to know that my life is not up a couple of notches since the breakup. No, how are you’s, how is it going, or I am just calling to say what’s up. Not me.

In the beginning of my relationship with MMI (my ex) his ex use to call him when she was on her dates. What kind fuckery is that? She would also call him for consolation and advice. HUH? He would justify it as him being a great person to talk to. (Since the breakup I cannot phantom how that can be true) I say “New relationship… NEW PERSON TO CALL!” I would ask him how do you think the other guy feels… what if the tables were turned? After that he told her that she shouldn’t call him again because he was in a new relationship. It didn’t mean much to me… because the whole scenario was real silly to begin with. Chicks I say. Get a grip.

Now if girl-M keeps on this path of getting real comfortable with calling for whatever may pop up in that head of hers… all I have to say that is. Keep on, I am watching.

Boomerang Effect

2008-06-21T17:44:00.000-07:00

“if you leave it and it comes back to you, it was meant to be”

I remember hearing these sentiments a couple of years ago, while I was tucked in a fetal position in the corner of my room whimpering on the phone to Clev. Not truly understanding the notion behind it, I felt that it was the end of the world (bless his patient heart). Like many things that I hear during the mist of any heart wrenching cathartic moment, I never really want to hear it. I want to play out the drama to its full magnitude and think that there is no way out, than to hear things being sugar coated with optimism. Well this time I actually say that I am a living example of the theory. It came back, and man is it meant to be.

The story goes… girl meets boy, girl falls for boy, boy finds girl-M, boy and girl break things off, boy ends things with girl-M, girl finds boy, girl falls for boy once again.

Yes there are little details in between, some that may have you wonder why go back to boy. But it feels so right this time around. One of my rules in the dating world is to never go back. I don’t believe in breaking up and making up, especially more than once. I have done it before and it was not worth it.

This situation was different; I really LET GO… I let go without a fight, just a bucket of tears. Trust me when I say that as hard headed and possessive as I can be at times it was the hardest thing for me to do. I hate losing, and I felt that I was giving up. But I didn’t give up… I let go.

After letting him go and taking time to get over all my negativity. The experienced enlightened me and helped me grow. Now when I look at where girl and boy are today I feel that it was all worth it. We have lived, learned and loved. I can think of him and be completely satisfied with the individuals we have become. Who knows what it would have been like if we didn’t part ways.

Simply..... Love

2008-06-18T18:09:00.000-07:00

I am so in love. I am stupefied with love. Everything is screaming love. Never thought that love could be so damn lovely.

I am so blessed at this moment in my life to have love like this in my life. I have always said it’s better to have loved than to not have loved at all. And I am so pleased that I am always a willing victim.

It’s scary and liberating at the same time… and it feel so darn right.

All those messed up moments finally make sense in my life.

I am just content to know the difference.

All In The Name Of Love

2008-06-14T09:59:00.000-07:00

Despite my stoic demeanor at times and being real cutthroat, I can be a hopeless romantic. I love, love stories and what leads up to them.

Yesterday I was on the subway heading home. With these crazy gas prices I am not really trying to drive anywhere my feet can take me. Usually when I get on the subway there are general rules I follow: find the car with the least amount of people, locate a clean seat, not to sit next to anyone who looks like they need someone to hear their life story, not to make eye contact, read or sudoku to my destination and most importantly not to make eye contact!

So far I was doing well, I found a good seat next to a sleeping asian woman (who I had to keep nudging off of me), and a bag that belonged to a guy on sitting in the other seat. I was doing a sudoku when I started overhearing conversations. Nothing stood out except this older man who was bitching about work. There was nothing interesting about what he was saying, but whom he was saying it to. Next to him was the adorable guy, cute and odd looking at the same time. He was engrossed in what his co-worker was saying, nodding and smiling at certain points. A short while later his co-worker got off.

Now I sat there looking at him, he was dressed semi-casual. Dark pinstriped shirt and dark brown khakis, first thought, I.T. He pulled out a newspaper which he carefully creased the edges as he read. He never took his eyes away from the paper, only when passengers would occasionally load on and off the car. Looking real stiff I noticed that he was quickly glancing only at guys who passed by. Hmm… interesting. From his quick glances, I also noticed how he gently laid his newspaper to the side to graciously pull out a juice bottle from his bag, which he laid perfectly onto his lap. Wow, not only is he stiff, but fastidious too.

It wasn’t until I notice the playfulness in his feet as he read his paper that I thought, ‘that’s kind of cute, maybe I should try and hook him up with Miguel’. Miguel is a real good friend of mine. We had this conversation just the day before about his non-existent dating scene. It made me sad and scream at the same time, he really needs to get out. And who knows maybe this fella “Footsies” will be the ticket Miguel needs. Now what do I do to get Footsies attention? Do I write Miguel’s number on his newspaper, sit next to him and start up a conversation, or just forget about it all together. But something was telling me that I couldn’t let it go.

So I passed my stop and like a true stalker I followed Footsies off the subway and onto his bus. I ended up sitting behind him because this guy who I let in front of me, ended up sitting right next to him. I wrote a note indicating that I had a friend that I was interested in setting him up with and if he was interested he should email me. Easier said than done, I got real nervous. Just as I was dotting the i's and crossing the t's Footsies pulls for his stop. Great! Now I am a big bundle of nerves, AM I CRAZY?! I quickly pull myself together and get off with him. TALK ABOUT FULL STALKER MODE. I didn’t want to follow him all the way home so I stop him.

Me: (shaky voice) Excuse me, here... this is for you
Footies: What is it?
Me: It’s a note… well see I have never did something like this before, but I have a friend that I would love for you to meet
Footies: (Stunned look) OK… and you think I would be interested?
Me: I think so, my email address is there if you are
Footies: Ok… I noticed you on the subway… do you live around here?
Me: Yes, on the other side (he didn’t ask how far)
Footies: Oh.. Ok. My name is - - - -
Me: Nice to meet you. (I am nuts!) ... I'm - - - -

Ok I did it. It was not as bad as I pictured it. Now I hope it was not all done in vain.

Mike and the Mechanics

2008-06-11T19:08:00.001-07:00

I hear there are 3 types of good people you should have; a lawyer, an accountant and a mechanic. So far I think I am doing real well in all departments. I have 4 close friends that are lawyers, 2 people that know the beneficial legal inner-workings of accounting, and one good mechanic.

I am also a strong believer in not mixing business with pleasure. Situations ALWAYS get complicated, no matter how well you think you may get along. So far I have been really good in keeping up with my mantra, but it seems that others are having some complications.

For instance… my mechanic. I have known him for years, 18 years to be exact. And he has been taking care of my car Mookie. Mookie has seen better days, and has been struggling to hold it together due to the neglect of his owner. Sorry.

Well whenever I need anything for my car… my mechanic was there. He always goes the extra mile to make sure my car is running well and he pretty much charges me next to nothing. Considering that we have known each other for years we have established, a brother/sister relationship. Well at least that’s what I thought until one Monday evening when I went to go and pick up my car. He expressed his interest in me and I let him down as gently as I possibly could.

I am use to guys just brushing it off like they never really meant to say it. But he didn’t take it so well. He called me up 2 days later to tell me that he was really upset and miserable. I have went there a couple of times after that incident only for him to plead with me and not charge me for the work that he has done. I decided from that day onwards to stop going there and to keep my distance. Sadly enough that means Mookie has to keep his distance as well.

This has been costing me, but I felt that it was worth it. I didn’t want my mechanic to think I was taking advantage of him, and I after what I; witnessed he is not capable of remaining professional.

Now 3 days ago Mookie got the shakes and staled. I had to tow him to a local mechanic, where I went before. My father insisted I take my car to my mechanic because this new one was charging me too much and may not do a good job. But, I had my reasoning, and I didn’t feel like towing my car elsewhere. Long and behold, I get my car back, pay the excessive amount of money, only to have my car start rattling and heat up the next day. Of course I call the mechanic to have him tell me “look lady, we didn’t do anything we weren’t suppose to, and if there is something else wrong with the car bring it in and we will see what we can do”

My father took the initiative to call my mechanic without me knowing. The next morning I wake up and my mechanic is there with a replacement car for me to drive so he could take mine in for repairs. I argue about how unnecessary it is for him to go to those extremes, and my fathers cuts off my rant by offering him some coffee.

I leave for work, he takes my car.
Today I go and pick up my car in all its pristine glory. Mookie look and sounded better than he has in a long while. My mechanic looks at me and wonders why I would take my car elsewhere. Not knowing what to say I say nothing at all except. “how much do I owe you” He replies by walking away.

"I Would Like For You To Meet My Son"

2008-06-03T19:38:00.000-07:00

Today I called an old friend of mine Uda to wish him condolences. His father just recently passed away. In the mist of our conversation we started to reminisce about the last time that we all got together. His father and my father were really good friends… two peas in a pod if you will; they traveled far and wide before either one of us was ever thought of. We were cracking up about things our father use to do and say. One thing in particular was how Uda’s father would insist on us getting married; even though Uda was practically married with children.
Now this situation never fazed Uda’s father, every chance he got he would slip in a comment about how we should call each other and 'get together'.

We got a really good laugh out of the situation, and it got me thinking. There would have been a time that I would have considered going out with Uda. Mind you this was years ago… I think I was 12 or so. He is not the typical crush a young girl would have on someone… he was a big bully. Growing up everyone was terrified of him. I haven’t seen him for years up until last year. And before then I thought he was in jail or engaging in some criminal activity, because no one seen or heard from him in decades. I am pleased to be wrong about him. He has turned out to be a gentleman that you can be real proud of.

Now what I got to really thinking of was, what if his father was right? Not saying that I would go back or try to get with him now. I have grown to adore him as a sister would. But I started to think about it in terms of the number of guys that people have tried to hook me up with, and the number of guys that I have wrinkled my nose at in disapproval. What if they were right or they saw something that I didn’t.

I would love to think that parents always have their children’s best interest at heart. I look at the number of people who are in happy arranged marriages. I know of 4 couples that have been arranged by their parents and have absolutely no complaints. They are elated and revealed that the search is over and they are with someone that they feel completely suited for.

My parents have never directly brought someone home for me to meet. But my father has hinted at a couple of prospects and my mother has talk about how handsome and smart so and so is. Funny enough, the things that my parents point out in individual are things that are important to me, but I don’t want to be blatantly shallow.

My mother has on occasion pointed out certain physical flaws in fellas that have left me dumbfounded by her honesty. My father has also insisted on my prospects making a certain amount of money and coming from a family that with a good reputation.

See these things are not all wrong, are they? I think I have sublimely turned down guys and blamed it on my parents disapproval. The older that I have become, the less rebellious I am with my parents. Whenever I date someone and my folks make any hint to not approving, that wheel in my head starts spinning. Usually months down the line whatever was hinted, comes to light in flashing bright colours.

There is nothing like having all love ones in your life love each other, and that is what I hope for.
Who knows… maybe Uda’s father was on to something. But at this point we will never know. I couldn’t be more happier with where I am at.

Take A Chance On Me

2008-06-01T12:12:00.000-07:00

I find myself in a situation where I know a certain 'love one' is hiding something from me. Haven’t quite found out what it is… but I just know that I am not wrong. I have nothing to support my speculation but my intuition tells me that is all I need. I am pretty much waiting for time to come for me to address the issue.

I have been in this imaginative relationship with …. who I would love to consider the love of my life. He is the epidemy of what I would love in a partner… but I find myself going through the same b.s. with him over and over again. Tolerating actions that I would not in anyone else, and listening to him sugar coat outlandish excuses that I know should be written in a soap opera script.

We are not together in the sense where there is a solid ‘practical’ relationship. We are beyond platonic, and I sense that there is more to us then just knowing what makes each other tick.

I just wish he would just be candid about himself. I know it’s not an easy thing to put yourself out there, because I have some complications with doing that myself. But I think that I have reached a point in my life where I am willing to take that chance. And that’s what life is all about isn’t it? Taking chances? Taking the risk of being rejected, lied to, and played for a fool. Sure those are all negative things… but it can’t always be good.

So I have decided to give him the opportunity and space to come to me. I will let some air penetrated and try the art of patience. I just hope he comes out truthful and as honestly as he possibly can, because my patience non-existent.

I am sure his intentions mean well, but is it really necessary to hide and embellish a couple of things just for the sake keeping the peace? I just don’t know if there is a possibility of bliss after a couple of “white lies”. I am not saying I am a saint when it comes to being ingenuous, but I try. I don’t know if I could forgive as easily for deceit without a grand gesture or play it off without blowing the situation out of proportion.

Now I feel that I have been quite understanding and open-minded about life occurrences. I understand that people have wants and needs that they seek to fulfill. But why hide and cover up your actions and desires?

Maybe this is why I have been called abrasive. But I find that I don’t have time to waste when it comes to expressing how I feel. I love being in love… and the whole notion of oneness with a loved one. Its not necessarily me being in a state of panic with life ticking away every second. It’s just that I feel that I don’t have time to waste. Why waste precious feelings and time on someone who is just not where you are.

Just because you love someone doesn’t necessary mean that you have to be with them.
Just because you envision your life with them a certain way doesn’t mean that it will turn out.

I guess time will tell.

But I will definitely not waste it on someone who feels that they have to protect me with embellishments and hidden truths.

Just be forthright, get your feelings out there. You live and you fucking learn. Leave the childish games for children. Go out there get your feelings cut, bruised and crushed and let love live.

Just take note… I will call you out on our bullshit, and there is a limitation to the amount of times I will tolerate the obvious.

Cheers.