I feel awful, and I know it’s a real silly thing to feel bad about. From the beginning, this wasn’t suppose to be a charming day. I had an interview this afternoon that I was not all too excited about, and I guess I paid for the lack of excitment with the events of my day.
I woke up this morning with an outfit in mind. Planned out the day with all kinds of mundane activities. Stretching, seasoning fish, calling a couple of folks, bitching at my phone company, as well as getting ready for the interview at a set time and meeting my "The Little Mexican" for lunch.
It started out well. Everything went according to plan except for the little pitfall. The clothes that I had picked out didn’t fit! I have gained a bit of “winter” weight. Of course I did not anticipate my clothing looking awkward and ill-fitting. I couldn’t even get my pants up my thighs! Putting a damper on things I had to find something else to wear. Of course it was not what I really wanted to wear, but I had to settle. I hate settling.
So I head out with an outfit that I am not comfortable in. I think it had something to do with not wanting to make a first impression in ‘this’ outfit. It wasn’t bad, it was just there. Anyhow, I head out, walk over to the bank machine to get some cash only to get rejected. Not in service! No worries, I will go to the next functioning bank machine. Hmmm where is the next functioning bank machine. NO ONE KNEW! I asked everyone! Not to waste anymore time, I quickly head to the subway station, via my feet in some tight shoes.
I finally get to a bank machine, retrieve some money and stand in line at the subway station. For some unforeseen reason there was a huge lineup. At this point, I am pressed for time. I rush over to the other side and it wasn’t too bad. Except for the foreign couple having problems with directions. Patiently I stand as the teller gives directions to the couple. Of course if I didn’t need to purchase a pass I would have been on my merry way. (Hmmm I just realized something!)
So I wait and wait, they finish, then the next couple same thing! They took a good 3minutes cackling with the teller like it was a damn joke standing up in that line. Then the women in front of me! I swear she was walking right through and then she stops. I don’t know if she recognized the teller but they both start talking in their dialect. So me, BraveStar, decides to drop in a quarter and walk thru.
Trust me when I say this is not something that I do. Even when I know that I won’t get caught. But I lost my patience. I wasn’t even scared or concern about the consequences. I did it with not a care or fear in the world. And for someone like me with nervous energy, this even caught me by surprised.
So of course the teller bangs on the window and yells after me. He started barking about me only dropping in a quarter. I deny it of course.
I should have told the truth. But for some reason I couldn’t. I don’t know why I did that, but I did.
He started yelling at me to come back thru the line, and me the dummy, obliged. I went and stood in the long line like a real jackass! I finally get to the window and yell at him. Yes I was at fault, but I didn’t want to admit it. What gets me is that I boldly looked him in the eye and lied! I told him that I drop the correct amount of $2.75. He corrected me by saying I only dropped $0.25.
Impatient and embarrassed, I decided to get mouthy. So after telling him a couple of choice words I reach into my bag, and sadly find change lurking in the bottom of my bag! ARGH! If I only knew! I didn’t even realize I had CHANGE! About $8.00 or so in change. And of course my temperament got the best of me and I dropped it all in.
I feel like a jackass... The interview fell thru, I called and cancelled; cause not only was I running late, I was pissed. I didn't want to go in angry. It would have been better if I went in with the ill-fitting clothes, then to go in angry.
Next time, if there ever is one, I will have to exercise patience and fessed up when I am wrong. And I was wrong. Hmmm... I guess there are more things that I need to learn.
OH and the thing that I realized while I was typing this... is that I could have went to the stupid machine and purchased a pass from there!!!!!! I KNOW I KNOW!!!
March 20, 2009
March 11, 2009
What you looking at?
Finally!
I finally got my plumbing problem fixed this afternoon. It only took a month. My poor neighbour downstairs had to endure the leakage for all this time, and he was real patient about it. I don’t know if I could have been that patient, waiting on someone to fix a problem so I could go on with my life. It was even stressing me out and I wasn’t directly affected by it.
Well the plumber came this afternoon, and discovered that the spout needed a little corking. Could you believe that? After 2 plumbers and estimates up to $4000, corking fixed the problem. My landlord called it, but no one listened. Well anyhow this plumber was real odd. I don’t know if it was in a good way or not. He stared… real hard.
He came in with the superintendent and commented on how “cool” the set up of the place was. He then went into the washroom inspected the damage both up and downstairs, and within minutes diagnosed it and fixed it. While he was fixing it, he came to me to ask for some paper towel, so I gave him a whole roll. He took it and stared at me with this weird look, like he was confused about something. So I asked him if it was good enough and he said yes then walked away.
Five minutes later he comes into the kitchen where I am washing the dishes. He tells me the problem is fixed and that I shouldn’t use the shower for a couple of hours. Then he stares. I tell him thanks and he just stands and stares. He finally walked off with a pissed off look on his face like I said something nasty to him.
As he puts on his shoes, he randomly says, “Do you like dogs?”
“Huh?”
“Do you like dogs?”
“Ah, yeah I guess”
“You do or you don’t?”
“It depends, I like medium size dogs that don’t bark too much”
“Oh”
“What about you?”
He stares! He stood there and stared! It was then that I thought, he must have a condition or something so I shouldn’t take it too seriously. But it was weird. He didn’t answer my question and he left.
I went downstairs to express my relief for finally having the shower fixed and the plumber walked in and stared. The superintendent asked him if he was all done. The plumber nodded and walked away. Only to stand outside to peer through the window to stare.
Weirdo!
I finally got my plumbing problem fixed this afternoon. It only took a month. My poor neighbour downstairs had to endure the leakage for all this time, and he was real patient about it. I don’t know if I could have been that patient, waiting on someone to fix a problem so I could go on with my life. It was even stressing me out and I wasn’t directly affected by it.
Well the plumber came this afternoon, and discovered that the spout needed a little corking. Could you believe that? After 2 plumbers and estimates up to $4000, corking fixed the problem. My landlord called it, but no one listened. Well anyhow this plumber was real odd. I don’t know if it was in a good way or not. He stared… real hard.
He came in with the superintendent and commented on how “cool” the set up of the place was. He then went into the washroom inspected the damage both up and downstairs, and within minutes diagnosed it and fixed it. While he was fixing it, he came to me to ask for some paper towel, so I gave him a whole roll. He took it and stared at me with this weird look, like he was confused about something. So I asked him if it was good enough and he said yes then walked away.
Five minutes later he comes into the kitchen where I am washing the dishes. He tells me the problem is fixed and that I shouldn’t use the shower for a couple of hours. Then he stares. I tell him thanks and he just stands and stares. He finally walked off with a pissed off look on his face like I said something nasty to him.
As he puts on his shoes, he randomly says, “Do you like dogs?”
“Huh?”
“Do you like dogs?”
“Ah, yeah I guess”
“You do or you don’t?”
“It depends, I like medium size dogs that don’t bark too much”
“Oh”
“What about you?”
He stares! He stood there and stared! It was then that I thought, he must have a condition or something so I shouldn’t take it too seriously. But it was weird. He didn’t answer my question and he left.
I went downstairs to express my relief for finally having the shower fixed and the plumber walked in and stared. The superintendent asked him if he was all done. The plumber nodded and walked away. Only to stand outside to peer through the window to stare.
Weirdo!
March 2, 2009
Freezing to my bones!
Today is so darn cold that I swear someone out there is mad at us. Well I cannot complain too much... the groundhog did say that we are expecting 6 more weeks of winter. But this cold is uncomprehendable. The weather is so flip floppy its worse than a woman with an hormonal inbalance.
But what would we do without complaining about the weather? How would we spark up conversations with random people standing at the bus stop or traffic light? Sometimes I wonder how else would I meet or attract "wholesome bunch" of individuals?
Last week when the weather was nice and comfortable I decided to walk to work instead of hopping on the streetcar. At the traffic light this random woman comments on how wonderful the weather is; I agreed and smiled and kept on moving when the light changed. As I was making myself across the street I notice that the woman was trying to catch up to me. It wasn't until I heard "Winners and found a great coat" did I notice that she was talking to me.
I slowed down, and asked her to repeat herself. Next thing I know, I am walking blocks with this woman who has divulged all of her activities in the last couple of days and what she had planned for the weekend. We finally parted ways as I told her that I had to make a stop in the opposite direction. So after 20 minutes of listening to jabber I walked away from her.
Fast forward to today. Cold as heck outside! There was no way I was going to walk so I made my way to the store to purchase some tokens. As I was leaving the store, I jail-walk to the other side of the street to the stop, and noticed a lone woman standing there. I didn't look up at her until I heard "It's real cold out today" As I look up to reply, did I then notice it was homegirl from the other day. GREAT!
"Yeah it's cold" Hoping that she wouldn't remember me from the other day. But she did.
What was even more wonderful is that she was getting on the same streetcar! I waited for her to hop on first, but she was fiddling with some change and it was too cute to be standing out in the cold. I got on and she followed.... right beside me! There were sooo many seats, but she choose to sit right next to me! Imagine that.
She talked my damn ear off! And she didn't even pause to take a breath. She asked me what direction I was going in and I told her "I don't know" just so I wouldn't have her tagging along. I asked her where she was going and she told me the subway. So took that opportunity to say that I was not going that way. You think that would have shaked her off? No... she followed me off the streetcar and onto the bus... I decided to get off a couple of stops early and told her that I had to walk a couple of blocks to my run a couple of errands. I was so upset because I knew it was too cold to be frolicking.... but I needed to escape.
She finally wished me a good day and said "well next time, when the weather is nice"
But what would we do without complaining about the weather? How would we spark up conversations with random people standing at the bus stop or traffic light? Sometimes I wonder how else would I meet or attract "wholesome bunch" of individuals?
Last week when the weather was nice and comfortable I decided to walk to work instead of hopping on the streetcar. At the traffic light this random woman comments on how wonderful the weather is; I agreed and smiled and kept on moving when the light changed. As I was making myself across the street I notice that the woman was trying to catch up to me. It wasn't until I heard "Winners and found a great coat" did I notice that she was talking to me.
I slowed down, and asked her to repeat herself. Next thing I know, I am walking blocks with this woman who has divulged all of her activities in the last couple of days and what she had planned for the weekend. We finally parted ways as I told her that I had to make a stop in the opposite direction. So after 20 minutes of listening to jabber I walked away from her.
Fast forward to today. Cold as heck outside! There was no way I was going to walk so I made my way to the store to purchase some tokens. As I was leaving the store, I jail-walk to the other side of the street to the stop, and noticed a lone woman standing there. I didn't look up at her until I heard "It's real cold out today" As I look up to reply, did I then notice it was homegirl from the other day. GREAT!
"Yeah it's cold" Hoping that she wouldn't remember me from the other day. But she did.
What was even more wonderful is that she was getting on the same streetcar! I waited for her to hop on first, but she was fiddling with some change and it was too cute to be standing out in the cold. I got on and she followed.... right beside me! There were sooo many seats, but she choose to sit right next to me! Imagine that.
She talked my damn ear off! And she didn't even pause to take a breath. She asked me what direction I was going in and I told her "I don't know" just so I wouldn't have her tagging along. I asked her where she was going and she told me the subway. So took that opportunity to say that I was not going that way. You think that would have shaked her off? No... she followed me off the streetcar and onto the bus... I decided to get off a couple of stops early and told her that I had to walk a couple of blocks to my run a couple of errands. I was so upset because I knew it was too cold to be frolicking.... but I needed to escape.
She finally wished me a good day and said "well next time, when the weather is nice"
February 25, 2009
Happy Birthday... C!
Happy Birthday C!....
I am going to only leave it at that. I think you have grown out of the Chubbs era... and the title now belongs to the little one.
I hope that you have a wonderful day. May it be filled with love and warm memories. Considering that I am only a "couple of months" older than you. I wish! I think as the oldest there are a few things that I can pass on to you.
1. Men never change, unless they feel the need to
2. The other girl is always more hideous
3. The other girl is always fatter
4. Men without jobs should only be booty calls!
5. The saying "its better to have love and lost" does NOT apply to us
6. The grass is never greener on the other side
7. Men are emotional creatures
8. We can always do better!
9. We should never settle!
10. God loves us all... no matter how bad the circumstances
11. A woman should always have enough money to be able to move out on her own. Even if she doesn't need or want to.
12. A woman should know how to fall in love without losing herself.
13. Every battle is not worth fighting
14. Embrace every emotion... good and bad
15. It can't always be good.
16. You are a blessing in disguise
17. You are a wonderful mother
18. You are a great woman
19. You are flawless even with all your flaws
20. You are one of the strongest woman I know
21. You are doing a great job in life... even if you don't think so
22. You are going to accomplish even more greatest than you already have
23. You are going to be free
24. You are always welcome and free to contact me... my door is always open
25. You are one of my greatest treasures
26. You are family
27. You are one FIERCE BAD BITCH and I love you for that!
Have a great day... and keep banging those heads up!!!!
I am going to only leave it at that. I think you have grown out of the Chubbs era... and the title now belongs to the little one.
I hope that you have a wonderful day. May it be filled with love and warm memories. Considering that I am only a "couple of months" older than you. I wish! I think as the oldest there are a few things that I can pass on to you.
1. Men never change, unless they feel the need to
2. The other girl is always more hideous
3. The other girl is always fatter
4. Men without jobs should only be booty calls!
5. The saying "its better to have love and lost" does NOT apply to us
6. The grass is never greener on the other side
7. Men are emotional creatures
8. We can always do better!
9. We should never settle!
10. God loves us all... no matter how bad the circumstances
11. A woman should always have enough money to be able to move out on her own. Even if she doesn't need or want to.
12. A woman should know how to fall in love without losing herself.
13. Every battle is not worth fighting
14. Embrace every emotion... good and bad
15. It can't always be good.
16. You are a blessing in disguise
17. You are a wonderful mother
18. You are a great woman
19. You are flawless even with all your flaws
20. You are one of the strongest woman I know
21. You are doing a great job in life... even if you don't think so
22. You are going to accomplish even more greatest than you already have
23. You are going to be free
24. You are always welcome and free to contact me... my door is always open
25. You are one of my greatest treasures
26. You are family
27. You are one FIERCE BAD BITCH and I love you for that!
Have a great day... and keep banging those heads up!!!!
February 24, 2009
The Audacity of Change
This morning was nothing short of a bitch vent. My girl and I spent the most part of a beautiful Tuesday morning bitching about the bitches that we call men in our lives. After hours of complaining and egging each other on, we spent a good 5 minutes debating what is the cause of this severe malfunction in the fools in our lives.
A couple of things I figured out through all this… They NEVER change. Granted people make mistakes, but if that mistake is made TWICE that is far beyond repair. If you know what’s good for you, you will high-tail it and run. I found myself in the same scenario 12 years later! How do I manage to find myself the girl left out in the cold again... because homeboy found a convenient girl who is cool to hang with and fighting with some other chick who claims that the baby is his... yes this may sound confusing and out there; but I will elaborate on this in the next blog. But bottomline... Same scenario 12 years later!
The independence of women has left a good percentage of these mofo’s helpless and lazy. Excuse after excuse to justify inactivity and not owening up to anything. I have a sac full of this, and most of the time I have men tell me that I should and can do it myself, or that they would want me to do it for them.
Example: "Buy me a plane ticket so I can come and see you" What IN the hell!?!? or "I didn't buy you a present because I know if you really want it you can get it yourself" Just plain rudeness. "Can you come over and check my car, and send it for an oil change, I will pay you later" Need I go on?
We women are silly and way too forgiving. Not all of us; but it’s usually women who give the benefit of a doubt and second chances. I know that if I was to play these ridiculous games and pan out ridiculous excuses; I would never live down that one mistake. A certain someone stills cry about a time when I threaten to throw him out of my moving vehicle and that was 3 years ago! I obviously didn’t do it, but I wish I did. Just the thought and me verbally expressing it makes me guilty and by far the most unforgiving thing I could have ever done.
It may seem cliche to say "man up" to these fools, because I think deep down they think they are doing absolutely nothing wrong. So I will like to say its time to "woman up" to not only the ladies but the men as well. Of course this is just wishful thinking. To actually have a man who can respect your boundaries and be as much of a companion and supporter as you would be, seems to be far-fetched these days. Maybe it's me... HA! No it's you!
I just have the audacity to believe that one day all this madness will end and it will make sense to us all.
A couple of things I figured out through all this… They NEVER change. Granted people make mistakes, but if that mistake is made TWICE that is far beyond repair. If you know what’s good for you, you will high-tail it and run. I found myself in the same scenario 12 years later! How do I manage to find myself the girl left out in the cold again... because homeboy found a convenient girl who is cool to hang with and fighting with some other chick who claims that the baby is his... yes this may sound confusing and out there; but I will elaborate on this in the next blog. But bottomline... Same scenario 12 years later!
The independence of women has left a good percentage of these mofo’s helpless and lazy. Excuse after excuse to justify inactivity and not owening up to anything. I have a sac full of this, and most of the time I have men tell me that I should and can do it myself, or that they would want me to do it for them.
Example: "Buy me a plane ticket so I can come and see you" What IN the hell!?!? or "I didn't buy you a present because I know if you really want it you can get it yourself" Just plain rudeness. "Can you come over and check my car, and send it for an oil change, I will pay you later" Need I go on?
We women are silly and way too forgiving. Not all of us; but it’s usually women who give the benefit of a doubt and second chances. I know that if I was to play these ridiculous games and pan out ridiculous excuses; I would never live down that one mistake. A certain someone stills cry about a time when I threaten to throw him out of my moving vehicle and that was 3 years ago! I obviously didn’t do it, but I wish I did. Just the thought and me verbally expressing it makes me guilty and by far the most unforgiving thing I could have ever done.
It may seem cliche to say "man up" to these fools, because I think deep down they think they are doing absolutely nothing wrong. So I will like to say its time to "woman up" to not only the ladies but the men as well. Of course this is just wishful thinking. To actually have a man who can respect your boundaries and be as much of a companion and supporter as you would be, seems to be far-fetched these days. Maybe it's me... HA! No it's you!
I just have the audacity to believe that one day all this madness will end and it will make sense to us all.
February 13, 2009
Expect Nothing
It has been a long while since I have had any form of motivation to do much, especially write.
But with the sun coming out today and my new sense of peace with myself, I thought a couple of notes would trigger what I hope will be an ongoing process.
There have been plenty of changes since my last post. So I will start off with 2009.
I rang in 2009 with a new place, freshly “officially” single, crazed, optimistic and having no expectations.
I decided that this year is going to be the year I start my new excursion to discover a life of no expectations and the uttermost fulfillment of the little joys in life.
I think I have always felt that way about many things in life, but I wanted to make it a part of my life. Every year January 1 has been a day of resolutions and hopeful promises. Which, like many others I forget soon after the euphoria the moment passes. I don’t really hold it against myself, but I can’t help but feel disappointed with my lack of discipline, to eat better, exercise, read more, help the needy, maintain my car, learn to play chess, or break any bad habits that I have been doing since childhood.
With joy I can honestly that up until this day I have owed up to my new mantra, and a life of no expectations has left me with ease.
It may not be for everyone… but I know myself well enough to cradle myself with precision and love. Knowing all the other self loving things will follow in due time.
But with the sun coming out today and my new sense of peace with myself, I thought a couple of notes would trigger what I hope will be an ongoing process.
There have been plenty of changes since my last post. So I will start off with 2009.
I rang in 2009 with a new place, freshly “officially” single, crazed, optimistic and having no expectations.
I decided that this year is going to be the year I start my new excursion to discover a life of no expectations and the uttermost fulfillment of the little joys in life.
I think I have always felt that way about many things in life, but I wanted to make it a part of my life. Every year January 1 has been a day of resolutions and hopeful promises. Which, like many others I forget soon after the euphoria the moment passes. I don’t really hold it against myself, but I can’t help but feel disappointed with my lack of discipline, to eat better, exercise, read more, help the needy, maintain my car, learn to play chess, or break any bad habits that I have been doing since childhood.
With joy I can honestly that up until this day I have owed up to my new mantra, and a life of no expectations has left me with ease.
It may not be for everyone… but I know myself well enough to cradle myself with precision and love. Knowing all the other self loving things will follow in due time.
September 6, 2008
Gone Too Soon
Even though summer officially ends on the 22nd of September... it ends for me right before September rolls in.
Things that I have realized and dealth with this summer....
Good weather means everything.
French guys don't know when to quit.
I am still listening to old songs.
New York streets are filthy.
Good mechanics are hard to find.
I am destined to have a sick pet just so I can cure it.
Never plan on leaving ANYWHERE early.
Most importantly I have to make it work.
For all the Torontians or anyone in Toronto this summer or should I say "sprimmer'; you know this by far was the crappiest summer weather wise. It rained pretty much every bloody weekend. We had the most rainfall since the 70s. I believe a couple of records were broken. Regardless, it was just too crappy for me to really care. I bought and lost more umbrellas than I can count; especially a really good one in a cab!
I belive I mentioned bumping in a fella from Senegal. Nice guy, but I am really not into him. It has come to the point where he calls at least 5 times a day and leaves real sappy messages. I haven't called or responded to any of his CALLS for over a month and he just doesn't quit. UGH! What gets me is that every time I think about giving him a piece of my mind, I can't think of words simple enough to get my point across without cursing. So I am just going to let it be until he figures out WHEN.
Love music, love shows, but nothing really moves me. My generous sister has LENT me one of her several ipods, in which I have enthusiatically put 378 songs on. Imagine that! All those songs on one little device. Gotta love technology. I have been so excited to have this little contraption in my life that I felt like sharing. Whenever I had an opportunity I would put my earphones on whomever I was with and play them a song. Until one day, Miguel was victim to one of my urges, and asked
Miguel (in his hardcore spanish accent)"Don't you have any songs from the 2000's?"
Moi - "Huh?!, Of course I do, I just haven't downloaded them yet"...
Miguel - "Like what songs?"
Moi - "I don't know... you know like songs..."
Miguel - "This sucks!!! I don't like the kind of music you listen to"
Moi - "Well I don't like you! Give me back my damn headphones! "
I have been hurt ever since. I came home and found a few songs, but nothing that I would want to download and take up precious space. Then it hit me, I am really stuck in the oldies! SO SOON!??!?!
My parents do that "they don't do things like they use to" and I completely agree! They absolutely don't. But I am not trying to age that fast.
Things that I have realized and dealth with this summer....
Good weather means everything.
French guys don't know when to quit.
I am still listening to old songs.
New York streets are filthy.
Good mechanics are hard to find.
I am destined to have a sick pet just so I can cure it.
Never plan on leaving ANYWHERE early.
Most importantly I have to make it work.
For all the Torontians or anyone in Toronto this summer or should I say "sprimmer'; you know this by far was the crappiest summer weather wise. It rained pretty much every bloody weekend. We had the most rainfall since the 70s. I believe a couple of records were broken. Regardless, it was just too crappy for me to really care. I bought and lost more umbrellas than I can count; especially a really good one in a cab!
I belive I mentioned bumping in a fella from Senegal. Nice guy, but I am really not into him. It has come to the point where he calls at least 5 times a day and leaves real sappy messages. I haven't called or responded to any of his CALLS for over a month and he just doesn't quit. UGH! What gets me is that every time I think about giving him a piece of my mind, I can't think of words simple enough to get my point across without cursing. So I am just going to let it be until he figures out WHEN.
Love music, love shows, but nothing really moves me. My generous sister has LENT me one of her several ipods, in which I have enthusiatically put 378 songs on. Imagine that! All those songs on one little device. Gotta love technology. I have been so excited to have this little contraption in my life that I felt like sharing. Whenever I had an opportunity I would put my earphones on whomever I was with and play them a song. Until one day, Miguel was victim to one of my urges, and asked
Miguel (in his hardcore spanish accent)"Don't you have any songs from the 2000's?"
Moi - "Huh?!, Of course I do, I just haven't downloaded them yet"...
Miguel - "Like what songs?"
Moi - "I don't know... you know like songs..."
Miguel - "This sucks!!! I don't like the kind of music you listen to"
Moi - "Well I don't like you! Give me back my damn headphones! "
I have been hurt ever since. I came home and found a few songs, but nothing that I would want to download and take up precious space. Then it hit me, I am really stuck in the oldies! SO SOON!??!?!
My parents do that "they don't do things like they use to" and I completely agree! They absolutely don't. But I am not trying to age that fast.
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