Knowing the difference

These past few days I have realized the importance of the Evolution of Man. The art of evolving into something and not remain stagnant and complacent. This day marks a period where I change the importance of being completely comfortable to wanting to be about something and making evolution be "thy way".

I have always had this philosophy of never looking back. I guess that’s why I always insist on putting issues on the table and dealing with them before moving on. I have been true to this philosophy so far… never looked back with anyone, even at the present moment with MMI. But as many of you know… or have lectured me about… LOML has always been in the back of my mind. But hopefully, I pray with the current events this ends that chapter.

I have now demoted LOML to Distant Lust. I know how FICKLE! I am only human. But before anyone gets too excited I have realized what it may be. It’s not physical lust, (most of you know that and what’s that about). Not mental lust… nor "bliss" lust. It's "Lust of the essence" of him, I guess. Or, at this present moment, lust of what I fantasized him to be.

I knew from when I started with him again, that I would have to learn him all over again. That I would have to put the past behind and start fresh. And I was more than willing to do that. But after the events that occurred… (don’t feel like getting into that at the moment) I have realized he is not even close to what I remember or what I would love for him to be. Sure the laughter is still there, the enjoyment of each others company and comfort is there. But the things that I have learned to value in a relationship is not.

I have evolved in many ways, but our relationship has not. Its like things have never changed, but they have. Our relationship is like how it was 10 years ago, a bloody “teenage love affair”, being played out with adults. No sense is it? So what sense does it make that we involve ourselves in this; but that we crave or ‘lust’ after what we thought was, and what we hope it to be.

One day I will be mature enough to know and authentically realize who and what a Love of My Life would be, but at this present moment I must stand and come to terms with the difference love and lust. The value and difference between loving someone and being IN love. Love does not equate to lust; nor will it make lust flourish into what it is.