You Can't Handle The Truth

Nothing can be more accurate at times then knowing that there are certain truths that you cannot handle. As brutally honest as I can be at times there are things, just like anyone else, that I don’t like hearing about myself. I know what my faults are… but to hear them from someone else always stings..especially when you are not ready to hear them.

I was wallowing in pity and just in a severe funk and I had to find a reason to get dressed and out. Q!, with his impeccable timing had given me a call. Considering I have not seen him in months and missed his birthday; I told him that I would cook some food and chill out with him for a bit. Knowing that his ass has been overly preoccupied I know he probably hasn’t had a decent home cooked meal in awhile. At the end of my story he still doesn’t.

I made some rice, curry goat and veggies, placed them in some dishes and started to get ready. (I hate smelling like food) As soon as I was ready I called up Q! for directions, gave him my approximate time of arrival to be within 30 to 45 minutes. Feeling good and rejuvenated and glad to finally be stepping out of the house I head downstairs only to find my family indulging in the food that I set aside. Ahh… I was not upset.. it was only food. I counted my lost and thought of a plan B. DUCKY’S…

Ducky’s by far has the best roti on the west end. So I hurried on over there only to find out that they were closed. Closed at 8pm on a Saturday… ridiculous I thought. Well since their asses don’t feel like working on a Saturday I will head out to the Portuguese spot next door… Closed… Thai… closed… India… closed… WTF!? At that point I realized why I don’t do anything in the west end. It was already 15 minutes in and I had no food. That’s alright I will just head into the city and grab something there.

Long story short, I got stuck in traffic, finally get to an Italian spot, order, only to realize that I forgot my wallet. Go figure. Welcome to my world.

Q! was quite understanding.. then again he expected it. I was an hour late, with no food, and he greeted me with a warm embrace. (Understanding friends are hard to come by). We ended up ordering some Vietnamese across the street.

The night consisted of food, laughter, and of course “what have you got yourself into now Jinx” moments. I hate those moments with Q!.. he is merciless and can usually get to the inner core. He hurts real bad sometimes. But sometimes you need that. You need people in your life to tell you that you are f*&@ing up and making some whack decisions.

After leaving Q!’s he had convinced me that I am not really taking the time to really do what’s best for me in several situations. Not only that but he is more convinced now more than ever that I need therapy. Therapy??? Am I that bad??? Well according to him and others therapy is not only for crazy people or people who can’t cope and people “like” me can really benefit from it. Hmmmm…..

But I don’t want to think that my life and love decisions warrant a visit in the chair. Who knows… maybe I do need it. In the meantime I am just going to have to cope with what I can, and vent to whomever will listen.

Well at this moment all I can hear are his words and the thoughts that I haven’t been allowing myself to feel. It’s to the point that I am ready to just throw in the towel and start from scratch. My mind is telling me know… but my soul is telling me it’s time for change.